


Hands-Free

by WillaS



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, Humor, Idiots in Love, Post-Endgame, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:00:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28815291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WillaS/pseuds/WillaS
Summary: She caught herself looking at his lips and when she realized he’d noticed, red hot anger boiled up in her.“Have a nice life,” she said, and reached for the door panel.“No,” he as good as yelped, grabbed her by the wrists, and pinned her to the wall.
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway
Comments: 11
Kudos: 89





	Hands-Free

The knock on the door made her leap out of bed.  
Not that she’d been asleep.  
She tried to think who could be calling at her hotel room at this hour.  
The one-year reunion of their return had been a frivolous affair, and the Doctor, Harry, Tom and B’Elanna had come back to her suite for another bottle of champagne after the staff had started to, not too unsubtly, tidy up around them in the ballroom.  
Maybe one of them had forgotten something.  
She grabbed the bathrobe and quickly put it on.  
She checked the monitor to see who it was.  
He was standing outside, stepping from one leg onto the other, looking more like a lost child, than a Starfleet captain.  
Her first reaction was acute annoyance. Damn the man. He’d barely spoken to her all evening, turned down the offer to join them for a cheeky last bottle, and had addressed her as “Admiral” exclusively, as if to make a point, which, entirely eluded her.  
She opened the door anyway.  
For old times’ sake.  
Or out of plain old stupidity.  
Or maybe she was a masochist.  
“It’s four o’clock in the morning, Chakotay,” she said, but gestured for him to come inside. She pulled the belt of her robe tighter.  
He was still, or again, wearing his trousers and his dress shirt was barely done up.  
“I couldn’t sleep knowing you were here, and I was, well, there,” he said, and pointed towards the direction of his room.  
She didn’t say anything, just sat down on the edge of the bed, looking at him.  
Suddenly she was tired.  
Bone tired of the feelings that still simmered under the surface but still all too willingly flowed through her body with the fiercest energy every time he was like this.  
She looked at her bare feet.  
Wiggled her toes.  
“What do you want, Chakotay?”  
“I wanted to…see you,” he said, and paced two steps to the right, and back again. “To look at you.”  
She heard him pull out the one chair and sit.  
“Kathryn.”  
She let out a quasi-laugh which didn’t go unnoticed, but he didn’t say anything.  
She reluctantly looked up at him.  
Funny, how eyes don’t really ever change, she thought. Sometimes he’s just that little boy she never knew, yet knows so well.  
“You could have looked at me all evening, and yet you chose to avoid me.”  
“I know.”  
“You realize how crazy that sounds.”  
“I know. I can’t explain it.”  
“Can’t or won’t?”  
“I…don’t know,” he whispered and looked at his hands.  
She took a deep breath.  
“We weren’t always this dysfunctional, were we?” she offered, and watched a gentle smile hush across his face.  
“No, we were not.”  
“You know, I do blame myself for that,” she told him. “I mean at least for the last couple of years on Voyager, but we’ve been back for a year, and I’ve tried to be your friend, you know I have.”  
“I know.”  
“I was happy for you and Seven,” she lied, “and when you two separated I never took sides and tried to keep in touch with both of you. I tried, Chakotay, you know I tried.”  
“I know.”  
“And you shut me down every time.”  
“I know.”  
“So why are you here now?”  
He looked back up at her, and she wished his look didn’t make her insides quiver, but it did. She pulled her belt even tighter.  
“Are you happy, Kathryn?” he asked.  
She wanted to laugh, but figured she was probably becoming hysterical, and stopped herself.  
And really, enough was enough.  
She couldn’t do this anymore.  
This thing with him.  
This non-thing.  
It was too hard.  
“I’m very happy, Chakotay,” she said, and it wasn’t even the biggest lie she’d ever told, and yes, it was delivered by her work voice, but that was her armour, and she was happy to put it on and wear it. “We’ve been home for a year, the crew are well, I have a position I love, I have a goddaughter I see a lot, and being an extended part of her family is giving me more joy that I ever could have imagined. So yes, Chakotay, I am happy. Thank you.”  
He nodded and looked back at his hands.  
She watched him for a moment.  
“Then I’m happy for you,” he said, and she wanted to tell him that she didn’t care whether he was happy for her or not, but she stopped herself. It didn’t matter. He broke her heart, and if she didn’t tell him back then, she sure as hell wasn’t going to tell him about it now.  
He got up and walked towards the door.  
She followed him.  
“Goodnight,” she said, and it came out so gentle that it surprised her.  
“Goodnight,” he said, and they were standing close together now, she, about to activate the door mechanism, him standing right there.  
She caught herself looking at his lips and when she realized he’d noticed, red hot anger boiled up in her.  
“Have a nice life,” she said, and reached for the door panel.  
“No,” he as good as yelped, grabbed her by the wrists, and pinned her to the wall.  
She pushed against him, furious now, but he put all his weight into his grip, and held her still.  
“Let me go, Chakotay.”  
“Tell me about Admiral Anderson. And Captain Ben. And Captain Shahid,” he said through clenched teeth, and she felt her arousal shoot right up to her level of anger, and a gross satisfaction that he had clearly kept taps on the men in her life made her smile up at him.  
“What would you like to know, Chakotay?” she asked in her most seductive tone, and she realized she’d never used this voice on him, and it made her brain fizz. “I see Jonathan Anderson almost every Friday night. Turns out we share an interest in literature. Did you know there is a cosy little bookshop in London where you can cuddle up by a real fire and read first editions of ancient novels? And Shahid is into fine wine. We mostly stay on Earth, you know, there’s this darling little hotel in the Napa Valley where you can sit in a hot tub, naked, and they bring you wine to taste. And Alec Ben, well, do you know him? Have you seen the man? Because if you think he looks good in a uniform, you should see him out of—”  
“Stop it,” he hissed so close to her that she felt his breath on her face, and God, why was she getting turned on?  
“You asked,” she said with mock-innocence.  
“Do you sleep with all of them?” he asked, and oh, he’d so easily and willingly rammed that knife into himself, and she was going to twist it.  
“Not at the same time, Chakotay, what do you think of m—”  
He didn’t let her finish but launched himself at her and kissed her.  
She was absolutely outraged but opened her mouth to him and met his tongue in an angry duel for dominance.  
He let go of her wrist but kept her firmly in place between himself and the wall. He untied the robe and somewhere in the back of her mind she remembered that she’d crawled into bed in nothing but her panties.  
His surprise to find her pretty much in the nude satisfied her greatly, because she knew exactly how difficult it was for him to marry his wild nature to his gentle heart.  
“Kathryn,” he said, half-retreating, but she wasn’t having it.  
“Shut up,” she said and pulled him into another bruising kiss. And just when she felt it edging into something else entirely, she stopped it. “How dare you show up here in the middle of the night and play coy only to ask to hear details about the men I’m sleeping with? What business of yours is it?”  
“It’s none of my business.”  
“I wouldn’t have dreamed of asking you about your women.”  
He looked guilty then, and surprised. Like a child, caught with his hand in the cookie jar. She wanted to laugh. Weren’t men ridiculous?  
“I always knew, Chakotay. About all of them.”  
“Kathryn,” he said and traced the side of her neck with his nose with a tenderness that made her heart ache, but ignited her anger all over again.  
“So, don’t you judge me for trying to make up for lost time. I’m my own woman. I don’t have to answer to you or to anyone else for that matter, and I have been desperate for someone to want me like that, and to desire me.”  
His eyes gave away his absolute fury, but his voice was eerily calm.  
“I wanted you,” he said. “I desired you.”  
“Past tense, Chakotay, now get the hell off of me,” she said and pushed him once, and hard, and he tumbled backwards and steadied himself against the opposite wall.  
She readjusted her robe and tied it in a double knot this time.  
Her skin burned where he’d touched her, and her lips felt gloriously hot and swollen. She licked them, could still taste him, closed her eyes.  
“I’m sorry,” he said, and cleared his throat. “I never imagined our first kiss would be so hateful.”  
She felt his words like a punch to the gut. She closed her eyes and kept her back turned towards him.  
First kiss.  
She touched her lips.  
“I didn’t either,” she admitted, her voice too unsteady for her liking.  
“You make me so angry, Kathryn,” he said quietly from the far corner by the door.  
“You’ve got no idea,” she replied, and touched her mouth again.  
“Sometimes I want to shake you.”  
“Sometimes I want to strangle you.”  
“Did it bother you? To see me with other people?” he asked, and she wanted to make a flippant comment about him fishing for compliments, but she was too tired.  
“Yes.”  
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”  
“There was nothing I could have said.”  
“There’s plenty you could have said.”  
“Oh yeah? Like what?”  
“Like, it bothers me.”  
She huffed out a half-hearted laugh. “You were already sneaking around, imagine how awkward it would have been if I’d made it in any way a problem.”  
“I guess I didn’t really read the room.”  
“We all did our best out there, Chakotay, and it doesn’t matter now anyway.”  
“It matters to me.”  
“Chakotay, if you needed my belated blessing for the things you did, let me assure you, you always had it. So, why don’t you give me yours and we can at least part as friends. I don’t want to part like this. An angry kiss and me, half naked. It doesn’t seem fitting.”  
“No, I don’t want that either,” he said, his voice so soft that he gasped for air. “It’s unworthy of all we’ve been through together.”  
She heard the rustle of clothes and footsteps, and then she knew he was standing behind her. She wanted to weep, or to let herself fall back and against him, but she knew this wasn’t what they were doing, and so she took a deep breath for courage and turned to face him with her head held high.  
“Friends, Captain?” she asked.  
“Always,” he said.  
“Thank you.”  
“No, thank you.”  
He gave her one unsure smile and walked to the door.  
“There’s just one more thing,” he said and turned back to her. “And I’ve tried to say it to you so many times, and I never did, because everything was always so, anyway, it doesn’t matter, but I know I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t tell you now. And when I’ve told you, I want you to be honest with me. Please.”  
“Okay,” she said, barely above a whisper.  
“All the women I was with,” he started. “I enjoyed their company immensely, and I don’t regret any of it because they were all wonderful, but I was desperately in love with you at the same time.”  
She swallowed a huge lump in her throat and willed herself to keep her composure at least until he was out of the door.  
“And for what it’s worth, Kathryn, I’m still desperately in love with you. Present tense. And I want you to know that. And I know that we’ve got a lot of baggage, too much, maybe, I don’t know, and look, if you tell me you’ve got feelings, real, honest feelings for any or all of your lovers, then I will respect that and I may even dance at your wedding one day, but—”  
“Stop,” she said, and it was so quiet, she was surprised he heard her at all.  
Suddenly everything went very still, and although she was aware of him, all she could hear was the low background humming of the air filtration system.  
“I’m angry with you,” she said.  
“That much is obvious,” he said, and he sounded suddenly exhausted.  
“I was being unnecessarily cruel just now,” she said, but couldn’t look at him. “The truth is, watching you walk off Voyager with Seven was the single hardest thing I had to do in all those years. And it hurt me deeply. And I know this isn’t a competition, but I wanted to hurt you, too.”  
“Well, mission accomplished, Admiral,” he whispered, and her insides ached. She pinched the bridge of her nose.  
“I care about them,” she continued, and listened to the silence for a few painful heartbeats. “All three of them. They are interesting, funny, attentive, the sex is great—”  
She heard him take in a sharp breath.  
“But, no,” she whispered. “I’m not in love with them.” She finally turned around. “And sometimes I really wish I was.”  
He was watching her from the shadows by the door, and she suddenly became acutely aware of his presence again.  
She tried to pull the double knot of her robe tighter but found that she couldn’t.  
“I tried to get away from you, Kathryn,” he said.  
“And I tried to let you go,” she replied.  
“And yet here we are.”  
“Because you came knocking,” she said, and oh God, was that a dimple starting to show?  
She took a few steps towards him. Like a moth to a flame, she thought.  
“And there I was thinking you were the more stubborn one,” he said, and the damn dimples were on full display now.  
“It’s hard to believe isn’t it?” she said and really had to fight her own smile. She took a few more steps until she was standing right in front of him.  
“It is actually,” he said and tugged at his ear before meeting her eyes. “You’re as stubborn as they come, Admiral.”  
“Chakotay, what are we doing here?” she asked.  
“What we always do. We fight, we flirt, we make up.”  
“It shouldn’t be this hard.”  
“No. It shouldn’t.”  
He looked at her with those eyes, and: “Oh God,” she breathed out rather then said, and let her head fall forward until her forehead was resting against his chest.  
“Shall we try again?” he whispered into her hair.  
“What? The last eight minutes or the last eight years?”  
He took her face between his hands and gently tilted her head until she was looking at him.  
His eyes were so familiar and so unknown, and suddenly she couldn’t even think straight, and all she could say was: “Oh God,” and then his lips were on hers, and this time it felt like falling.  
With one hand against her lower back, and one behind her neck, he pulled her into himself like his life depended on it, and all she could do was moan deep in her throat and surrender.  
Their kiss wasn’t vicious but like they had all the time in the world. She felt him harden against her almost instantly and her knees turned to jelly.  
“Oh God,” she said again between kisses, and he fiddled with that damn double knot she’d tied so impossibly tight.  
She pushed him back against a wall and kissed him harder than she’s ever kissed anybody in her entire life.  
“Chakotay, please, fuck me, and—”  
He cut her off by kissing her again and picking her up in one swift move.  
He carried her to the bed and put her down gently.  
“Get naked,” she told him, and he didn’t need telling twice and got out of his shirt and trousers so clumsily that she wanted to laugh.  
She finally got that damn knot untied and shed the robe.  
“You are beautiful,” he whispered, and there he was in front of her, naked and vulnerable, and toned and oh God, so hard.  
She swallowed.  
“No,” she said and reached for him. “You are beautiful.”  
He lay on top of her and kissed her again.  
“I want you so much,” she said. “I’ve wanted you so much for so long that I’ve forgotten what life feels like without that ache.”  
He kissed her neck, and she felt her whole body shiver.  
“I always thought you were mine, even when you were with other people,” she said as he trailed kisses across her collarbone and down to her breasts. He took one nipple into his mouth and let his tongue run around it in lazy circles.  
“Oh God,” she gasped. “But when I found out about you and Seven, I realized that it was all over. I realized that I’d been wrong.”  
His tongue had reached her bellybutton, and he looked up at her through dark, dark eyes.  
“You weren’t wrong, Kathryn,” he whispered. “I was yours. But it was breaking my heart. And I thought the only solution was to walk out of your life as fast as I could. But you know what they say, you can’t run away from yourself.”  
He slipped his thumbs inside her panties and pulled them down her legs and off of her.  
His fingertips danced across her thighs with featherlight touches and parted them. She knew from watching his line of vision what was going to happen next and she was dizzy with it. When his hot mouth made contact with her sex, she had to hold onto the sheet to keep her equilibrium.  
“Oh God.”  
“Kathryn, you’re so wet. And you’re delicious.”  
She thought she was dying.  
He continued his sweet, sweet torture, and after a little while, he gently put two fingers inside her, and if she hadn’t been too aroused to think past his mouth and his hands, she may have felt embarrassed about just how wet she was.  
“Oh God,” she said. “I can’t. I can’t. Oh God, please, I need to come.”  
She felt him smile against her, and he increased his pressure, and she couldn’t believe what his tongue was doing to her, and oh God, she felt her orgasm building and building deep inside of her and then it crashed over her full force, and she cried out and pulled him against her so hard she later wondered how she didn’t break his face.  
When it was all over, he crawled back up to her. took her in his arms and spooned her.  
“Oh God,” she whispered, half to herself, and rubbed her eyes. “And you can wipe that shit-eating grin off your face, Chakotay,” she said, and he chuckled against the back of her neck.”  
She turned around to face him.  
And yes, that man was way too pleased with himself.  
He was also still rock hard.  
She slid one hand in between them and touched his cock. He took in a shaky breath and closed his eyes.  
She kissed him. Deeply.  
“I taste good,” she said and now it was his turn to groan. “I like tasting myself on your lips, Chakotay.”  
“Kathryn,” he whispered and started to gently fuck into her hand.  
She put one leg over his hip and slowly guided him inside of her. She was still sensitive from her orgasm, but as soon as he started moving inside of her, she felt that burning heat igniting all over again.  
“Oh,” was all he said and started setting a slow pace. He kissed her again, but soon had to stop to accommodate his rapid breathing.  
“Look at me,” she told him, and his eyes flew open. His pupils were blown, and he looked like some beautiful wild thing, fighting so hard not to bolt.  
“Fuck me,” she told him, and his breath hitched. “I want you to fuck me.”  
He pushed her onto her back, hoisted one of her legs over his shoulder and started to pound into her.  
She cried out in a mixture of pain and surprise and desire and met him thrust for thrust.  
And then he started to hit the right spot.  
“Oh, fuck,” she groaned. “Oh God, oh, you’re going to make me come like this. Oh God, oh God, please don’t stop. Just like this, oh fuck, oh God. Oh!” and she came in a hot explosion of white light and noise, and the last thing she heard and felt before she let herself fall into utter breathless bliss, was Chakotay cursing and spilling himself deep inside of her.  
When she started to come back to the here and now, he had rolled away from her, and they were both lying spreadeagled on her bed, facing the ceiling.  
“My God.” She was the first to speak.  
He only chuckled.  
She turned to face him and ran her hand over his beautiful chest.  
He opened his eyes and grinned down at her.  
“I’d say that was a success,” he said.  
“You think?” she asked and slapped his arm playfully. “I don’t usually come like that.”  
“Like how?”  
“Like, that. Hands-free,” she explained, and he looked at her, and burst out laughing.  
“What?” she asked, but laughed, too.  
“You actually blushed when you said that, Kathryn.”  
“Admirals don’t blush.”  
“No, of course they don’t,” he said and kissed her leisurely. “Hands-free, hey?”  
“Oh, shut up, Chakotay.”  
“Never,” he whispered and pulled her to lie on top of him.  
She propped herself up onto her elbows.  
Looked down at him.  
He brushed her hair out of her face and looked deep into her eyes.  
“I interrupted you. Earlier,” he said. “You said: “Fuck me and”. And what?”  
She smiled.  
Pressed her middle finger against his lips.  
“And never leave,” she whispered.  
“You’ve got yourself a deal,” he whispered back and kissed her. “I love you.”  
“Yeah,” she said and nodded, and damn those tears. “I love you too.”  
She repositioned herself and lay her head on his chest.  
Listened to his heart beating.  
“Hands-free,” he said after a long while.  
And then they both burst out laughing.


End file.
